Jane Jensen

Juliet Capulet

Will Keenan

Tromeo Que

Valentine Miele

Murray Martini

William Beckwith

Cappy Capulet

Sean Gunn

Sammy Capulet

Debbie Rochon

Ness

Lemmy Kilmister

Narrator

Stephen Blackehart

Benny Que

Tamara Marie Watson

Georgie Capulet

Tiffany Shepis

Peter

Joe Fleishaker

1-900-HOT-HUNK

James Gunn

Found a Peanut Father

Lloyd Kaufman

Shocked Onlooker

Lisbeth Kaufman

Mutant Kid

Charlotte Kaufman

Mutant Kid

Ron Jeremy

Tromaville Citizen (uncredited)